Empowered Places > Sanctuaries > Adi Da Samrajashram > Tale of Two Horses

A Tale of Two Horses

Richard McIntyre

Richard McIntyre has been a devotee since 1981. He is originally from Southern Africa. He worked primarily in the Telecommunications sector as a Systems Engineer and business owner. He has served in several capacities within the Adidam community and Institution.

The First Horse: Munday

In 1984, Adi Da came to celebrate with devotees worldwide at the "Love of The God Man" Celebration at the Mountain Of Attention Sanctuary in Northern California. I was living near the Sanctuary, and was serving at the stables on the Sanctuary, as well as training local horses and students. At some point during the Celebration, Adi Da took a horse ride, and I was on hand to help hold His horse when He mounted and dismounted.

Having served Adi Da in this way, it wasn't too surprising when, in late 1984 or early 1985, I received a phone call asking if I would serve Adi Da Samraj again by going to the island of Naitauba in Fiji to help train a horse Adi Da had recently received as a gift from the New Zealand Community. When the island had been acquired a few years earlier, New Zealand devotees had sent a horse to Naitauba as a gift for Adi Da; but the horse was still somewhat untrained. Adi Da made the comment that, as Happy as He was to receive the gift, a gift shouldn't require anything of Him — otherwise it's not truly a gift. Hence, my receiving that phone call.

As you can imagine, I was excited by this offer to go to Naitauba and serve Adi Da in this way, so I expressed my desire to do so. In my naiveté and enthusiasm, I had assumed it would happen quickly. But after an initial flurry of phone calls and activity, I didn't hear anything for weeks. Then weeks turned into months. I began to feel betrayed and had a feeling of resentment that I had been suckered into this somehow. Adi Da refers to this as the "mood of betrayal": the feeling one is not loved and in return one does not love.

So when I was contacted a second time some months later, I was more cautious, slightly standoffish, and perhaps a little cynical. Sure enough, the whole thing died away and nothing happened. But that provided me with an opportunity to reflect on my own reactions.

I can imagine that, with all the things going on to serve the new island, the island management staff probably thought training a horse was not a high priority. However, as with everything Adi Da does, every gesture, movement or comment He makes has a Spiritual and Transcendental basis, and having someone come to train the horse was no exception. So the matter did re-surface a third time.

Again, I was drawn into the consideration of the trip and service. This time I was neither unconsciously, childishly enthusiastic and seeking, nor adolescently withholding. I had a simple "whatever will be, will be" equanimity. And with this disposition, things moved rapidly: I was soon airbound for Fiji. It was a lesson many devotees doing sadhana over the years have understood: when one gets out of the way, Adi Da's Energy flows.

I arrived at the island of Naitauba after an international flight, another inter-island flight and a five-hour, rough boat ride. I was there on a short term service retreat. I arrived with another couple who were to be new residents of the island. It was explained to us that devotees who were there to serve, and were relatively new like me, would be living outside the village in a buré on the side of a hill. I was with two other service retreatants and we were told we would be eating separately from the residents in the village. I could feel a sense of separation and felt vaguely insulted. But I knew these were Adi Da's instructions. Over the years, and in many different situations, I have watched the way He works. As He explains throughout His Teaching, the "separate self" does not exist. The feeling of being separate is the result of our own activity. As the One who knows His devotees perfectly, He always uses "skillful means" to show every devotee their own action of presumed separation and how they turn away from relationship.

Munday
(click for enlargement)

Munday was Adi Da's horse I was there to train and day after I arrived, I started working with him. Munday was a chestnut gelding and had received rudimentary training but I could feel the areas where he needed work. I would ride him twice a day, doing turns, stretches, stops, walks, trots, canters, etc. I especially worked to loosen him up and allow him to be more responsive and mature. I worked in a large field not far from Adi Da's house in "the village" (the village of Qaravi, where devotee residents of the island lived, and which Adi Da occasionally visited). At one point, I was told that Adi Da had watched me a few times through a window in His house.

A young Fijian man had been assigned to help me. As I remember he was doing a summer job and would return to another island later. He was very easy to work with and we liked each other but I noticed he could be quite shy at times.

Shortly after my arrival, Adi Da greeted the newly arrived devotees I had travelled with. He was then heading to another part of the island called the Matrix, His primary residence. The Land Rover He travelled in would be coming right by the stables. Suddenly, He was visible in the passenger seat, with no shirt on and riding in a short wheelbase Land Rover with its front window down. I was born in Tanzania and raised in Rhodesia (now Zimbabwe). I was very familiar with this vehicle, as well as seeing the driver on the right side, and Adi Da (who was closest to us) in the left front seat. I will never forget the vision of Him as He raised His right hand as He passed by. His body seemed overwhelmed by His Force and He was in a state of Bhava, almost as though swelled up and immovable with Bliss.

As Adi Da passed, I noticed that the young Fijian man had hidden behind a door. I could relate to him, as I spent the first four years of my life living entirely with young African boys on a very remote tea and coffee farm in southern Tanzania. We would all run into the bush if a vehicle approached — which might be once every few months.

When Adi Da was in residence at the Mountain Of Attention Sanctuary in Northern California, I had the good fortune to be able to spend hours of time in His Company when He would sit with devotees in Darshan. Because I was serving at the Sanctuary, I would see Him almost daily as He Gave His Darshan, as He walked from His office back to His house. I was familiar with the Blissful Radiance and Freedom of His Person, and knew this was the Happiest and most in-depth Feeling I could feel. . . I wanted to feel It all the time! The other side of this was what in Indian spirituality is called tapas (or heat), the purification or burning off of egoic habits and patterns and so I was also familiar with my refusal of, difficulty with, and resistance to His Happiness. I'll now describe some of the tapas that occurred in my new service to Adi Da.

At some point, I was asked to move my training of Munday to another area, because my riding Munday was beginning to form circles on the open lawn area. So I moved to a small ring surrounded by thick mango trees. As it turned out, this area was not far from a manure heap. Being late September, the heat was picking up, and the mosquitoes loved the shade of this windless area of the mango trees. I was getting bitten through my shirt even while riding on Munday. While other devotees were walking around in sandals, I was in riding boots and jeans every day. At lunch, I would return to the buré, eat lunch, and doze off a while, before continuing training in the afternoon. I would usually wake up in a sweat due to the heat.

Often I had wild, vivid dreams on those hot afternoons. One in particular stood out. I appeared to be moving above ground toward Adi Da who was ahead of me, sitting on a seat in what appeared to be a large, round circular stone or tiled ring. Two women attendants were seated on either side of Him and other devotees were in front of Him. All seemed fluid (as it does in dreams), and I felt my attraction to Him draw me so that I gently glided over all the more mature devotees and was surprised that I was even able to go beyond the two attendants right next to Him. I found myself relating directly to Adi Da, one on one, in silent Darshan. At that point I woke up. I had been shown that the relationship with Him was mediated by no one; it is always a direct relationship.

While training Munday, I was also giving riding lessons to Shawnee, Adi Da's nine year old daughter. I had already done this with her before, in California. At some point, it was mentioned that her tenth birthday was coming up and that Bhagavan Adi Da's Gift to her was to be a young pony. I was asked if I could travel on ahead of her and her chaperone to visit some riding establishments around the Fijian capital city of Suva. I felt honored and touched to be included in this intimate service to Bhagavan and His daughter.

I mentioned how, when I arrived, the service retreatants were living separately from the permanent residents. As the days went by, things started to relax, and the two groups began mixing. The last two service retreatants to arrive on the island were myself and Jonathan, who was there to serve in agriculture. Little by little, the two of us found ourselves regularly having lunch with the larger group of permanent residents in the village.

Near the end of one of these large group lunches, someone noticed (far off in the distance) the unmistakable silhouette of Bhagavan Adi Da walking with a female attendant, with His staff in hand. It was Shawnee's birthday. Adi Da had arrived unannounced from His main residence on the other end of the island, and was now suddenly in our midst. This led to a mad scramble. Each devotee knew what he or she had to do to prepare for having Beloved Adi Da live in the village.

Jonathan and I finished lunch and were led out a side door on our way back to our buré. This meant walking down a path called "the Arrow". In the middle of the Arrow were the men's showers, and the shower building blocked any view beyond the building. As we rounded the shower building, we were very surprised to run right into Adi Da and His attendant, who were coming from the opposite direction.

It was a stunning moment for me. I had no idea how the next moments would unfold. Richard Lawrence was the devotee escorting us and Adi Da motioned Richard to come forward for a hug. And then, to my surprise, the next thing He did was look directly at me. With a slight motion of His hand, He invited me into His embrace. We were both shirtless and I felt the staff He was holding against my back as we hugged. After a while, He released me but He kept me in the crook of His arm. Holding me closely, He said, ever so sweetly, "So I hear you are going to Suva with Shawnee?"

His voice seemed to widen out behind me in a vastness towards the sea. The loving way He looked at me rendered me speechless. I had never seen anyone so Happy with me before! — including myself. The way that He drew me into His intimate family without any reservations blew my mind and touched me deeply. I would look at Him from these few inches and His eyes beamed an utter acceptance and love of me. Then it seemed I lost my mind and found myself looking down. This epitomized the classic gesture in the myth of Narcissus, who turned away from his lover, even while all the while being in his lover's company. But Adi Da continued to give me His huge smile. I would look back into His eyes, and again lose my mind, and find myself turned away again. After a few rounds of this, I started to feel ridiculous, and was finally able to splutter, "Yes, I am going to Suva with Shawnee". To myself, I sounded rather silly, but He seemed pleased. He then gestured Jonathan forward for a hug.

A few hours later, I was lunging Munday on a long line with Mo Whiteside mounted, giving him some lessons. (Lunging is directing the horse to move around you in a circle, at the end of a "lunge line" you are holding.) Suddenly, Bhagavan Adi Da strode toward us with the whole village entourage of happy devotees around Him. With the lunge line in one hand, I was bodily open and vulnerable, and I could feel myself begin to freeze and tense up. My "flight gear" was fully engaged, and just like the young Fijian man, I wanted to hide. I felt fear in being the focus of everyone's attention. Adi Da's voice boomed out, "I hear Richard says Shawnee has a better seat than Udi."(Adi Da called Mo "Udi" at the time.) Udi looked over at me to respond to Adi Da, but I was dug in with my refusal to respond. Finally, Udi was forced to say something to Bhagavan himself, relieving me of the awkward moment. But my frozenness made me feel socially inadequate and very conscious of my inability to respond in the Face of Love.

One event rolled into the next as Adi Da participated in a children's treasure hunt that we were all invited to accompany Him on. Some of the boys were as young as five and Adi Da Himself was very animated and as playful as a child in the hunt. I realized that He wasn't trying to mimic being a child; He actually was a "child" in a sense: a being full of Adventure and Mystery. . . and the children were happily engaging Him in the same way.

After this, the men were invited to an event on the veranda of Bhagavan's House where a large wooden chair was set up with covers and pillow for Him to sit on. (Later on, He had a similar occasion with the women.) Shawnee had gifted Him on this occasion of her birthday with a black tie bag of beautifully polished gemstones. Adi Da sat in the classic position where His Feet were drawn up and the soles of His Feet faced each other. In between his Feet, He poured out a number of these polished gemstones.

The men surrounded His chair in a circle. I could feel the need for less exposure, so I positioned myself behind His right shoulder. He played with the stones, moving them around with His fingers as His feet wriggled in the Blessing Mudra that He does. Then His head swivelled around, and He looked right at me saying, "What color stone would you like?" I was caught completely off guard. I looked down at all these stones and the one that was most attractive to me was a turquoise one. Where I grew up, I only remember that color being called aquamarine, so I said, "aquamarine" and He responded, "Green or blue?" I stared at the stone. As I was about to say blue, it looked green and vice versa. I felt the burden of my indecision and finally blurted out, "greeny-blue", feeling a little foolish. He held up the stone I had wanted, and I gratefully accepted it.

Adi Da's gemstone gift to me
(click for enlargement)

Other devotees then went on to choose their stones. I noticed a level of devotion and maturity in them, and how thankful they were as they put their hands out to receive their chosen stones from Adi Da. It was a reflection to me of my newness and relative adolescence in Adi Da's Company. Most of these devotees had been tested for months and years in His Fire — doing "Ordeal of Being" retreats, and living face to face with Him for many years.

The Second Horse: The Dawn Horse Testament

When the day was over, I seemed to have lived a lifetime, so much had happened. But, as is often the case with such immense Blessings, no sooner was one test over than a new test awaited me. (The more one receives in His Company, the more one's responsibility is tested.)

The new test came in the form of the arrival of Avatar Adi Da's magnum opus, The Dawn Horse Testament — it was going to arrive on the island in a week or so. No one said anything to me about it. It seemed to me that the timing might be such that I could still be on the island when it arrived — but this was not to be. My service in Suva meant that I would be leaving on the boat that would bring devotee James Steinberg and his precious cargo of the first of the published copies of The Dawn Horse Testament. By this time, I was the last of the service retreatants. I ate all my meals in the village and also had to hear all the excitement, preparation and build up to this momentous event. I was going to be the only devotee on the island who would not be present when Adi Da received the book copies. I tried to shrug it off as no big deal. But underneath, the sense of being left out, separate, and somehow betrayed ran deep.

As it turned out, I ended up leaving on the same boat that had just brought James and his carefully escorted cargo of the first copies of The Dawn Horse Testament. I went on to stay with a couple in Suva to begin my service there. Not long after, Shawnee, accompanied by devotee Sally Taylor (who also had experience with horses), arrived in Suva. We then went on a field trip, looking at some horses.

That night, Sally told us she had something for the couple in Suva and myself. So we all sat around the dining room table, while Sally carefully unwrapped a patterned cloth. Inside were three copies of The Dawn Horse Testament stacked on top of each other. She then opened each book, glanced at the book's Prologue, and handed each of us our books. I opened my book to the Prologue as instructed — and there was "Dear Richard", in Adi Da's handwriting!

Adi Da's handwriting at
the beginning of
The Dawn Horse Testament
(click for enlargement)

And at the end of the Epilogue of the book, He had written simply, "Love, Da":

Adi Da's handwriting at
the end of
The Dawn Horse Testament
(click for enlargement)

I remember feeling a mixture of awe and wonder, mixed with the feelings of still being wounded, and not really able to fully receive the immensity of Adi Da's Gift. However, deep down, I knew this was an immeasurable Gift from Him, a large Love Letter, addressed to me, and signed at the end by His Own Hand. On the island, He had done the same for all those there, and signed an extra three copies for those of us who were in Fiji, but had missed the Celebration. To this day, it is by far my most important possession. Each time I look at His words of Love, a little more of the Profundity of His Gift is received.

Adi Da signing copies of The Dawn Horse Testament
before giving them as gifts to devotees (1985).

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