Practical Lessons in the Way of Adidam > An Early Oedipal Consideration

An Early Oedipal Consideration

Aniello Panico

Aniello Panico has been a student and devotee of Adi Da Samraj since 1972. Aniello was also instrumental in the establishment of the Dawn Horse Press, the publishing house responsible for the publication of Avatar Adi Da's Teaching. Now in his 80's, and having spent considerable time in Adi Da's Company, Aniello wants to share a lifetime of enjoying the wisdom, energy, blessings and love of Adi Da Samraj — an enjoyment so profound that he considers himself the "luckiest man alive!".

In this story, Aniello tells how Adi Da Samraj introduced a simple way for His devotees to consider their early life experiences, specifically their relationship to the mothers and fathers, and how these experiences set in place certain patterns that then obstruct their relationship to others in later life. These "oedipal considerations" were not merely psychological counseling. Rather, by considering and better understanding these early life patterns, devotees could move beyond the unconscious, repetitive dramatization of these patterns and the obstructions of energy and relationship created by them, and be freed up for the full spiritual process available in Adi Da's Company.

This story was first published on Aniello's Facebook page, My Life With Adi Da Samraj.

Aniello Panico Bhagavan Adi Da was always working. He served us all "from the ground up" in the early days. But people have to remember that His Spiritual Transmission was simultaneously working at the same time as He was speaking to us. And so it was not just a verbal thing; it was literally like a rearrangement of the genes or molecules in one's body.

In December 1972, I accompanied Beloved Adi Da to Acapulco, Mexico for two weeks of rest and relaxation. The plane took off. We had not been in the air for more than a minute when He said, "Tell Me about your relationship to your father."

As far as I know, this was the first time He did an Oedipal early-life emotional/sexual consideration with a devotee; it was certainly the first time with me.

So I told Him all about my relationship with my father. As in everybody’s family, there are good things and bad things. The bad things were not that bad, but they were there. And so I told Him the whole thing and it took literally almost until we got to Acapulco, a couple of hours later, because He kept asking questions.

About a year later, the Ashram moved from Los Angeles to the Mountain of Attention Sanctuary in Northern California. One night, we were in a gathering with Him at His House on the Sanctuary. There were about fifty or sixty people in there, at least. Beloved Adi Da says, "Aniello, why don't you tell us about your relationship to your father?" And I said, "Well, I already told You that story." He said, "Yes, but it would be good to have it recorded — we have a tape recorder here and so forth." I was reluctant, so He said again: "It would be a good thing."

So I spoke again about the relationship with my father, exposing myself to a room full of people. Not that it was horrific or anything, but emotionally, it was impacting. I told Him the whole thing again.

Then He started asking very specific questions: well, how did you feel about this; what about that; and did you love him?

I told him it was a love-hate relationship. My father was an angry man, but he never hit me. Once he booted me when I ran away from home. We used to have this long foyer. When the cops brought me home, he said, "come on in." I said, "No, you are going to hit me." He said, "I promise you that I won't hit you." I said, “No, you are going to hit me." He said, “I swear on my mother I won't hit you." Well, I had learned, early on, that if he swore on his mother, he really meant what he said. So I replied, "OK", and walked in the foyer. He immediately booted me down the whole length of the foyer. I said, "You told me that you were not going to hit me!" He replied, "I did not hit you. I kicked you."

My father could also be just wonderfully gregarious. He would make stabs at playing the piano. He liked to sing, and he used to have me sing with him — we used to croon! He had this other, really warm side of him, and I knew that he loved me.

Now in the gathering of devotees, talking about all of this, I felt fully exposed. I was getting angry at Beloved Adi Da for bringing this up. Not that it was that bad, but I was embarrassed and felt vulnerable.

At the end of the oedipal consideration, Adi Da asked, "How old are you?”

I replied, "40".

He said, "You're 40. How long are you going to blame your father? You are a grown man; you are now the age when he was doing some of these things. He did what he did, and you have to forgive him for that. And you are a better man than he, because you have learned."

And I remember clearly: in that instant, I dropped it all. I forgave my father on the spot and never thought ill of him again. That big piece of karma was completely washed.

Then Adi Da said: "Let's go down to the baths, everybody!"

In spite of having just forgiven my father, I was still pissed off with Beloved Adi Da about having to tell my story to the whole gathering. So I said, “I don’t want to go to the baths.”

And He said, “We are going to the baths.”

So we all ran down to the baths. Usually I would swim up right beside Him. This time I stayed at the opposite end of the pool. He went to the other end, and so did everybody else.

He called my name: "Where is Aniello?"

I said: "I am over here, Bubba."

"Well, come here!"

"All right".

But I didn't move, because I was still pissed at Him.

Then He said, "Aniello, why don’t you lead us in a chant?"

Now that was the last thing in the world that I wanted to do: lead a chant!

So I resisted.

He said it one more time. "Aniello, lead us in Om Namah Shivaya."

He knew that was my favorite chant. (It still is.)

I began to soften.

I said, "Alright, I’ll lead the chant."

I am all the way at the other end of the pool, but I start chanting anyway.

He gestures to raise it up.

I raise it up a little.

He gestures "Raise it up" two more times, in His inimitable way. The man had impeccable timing!

So now I am singing "Om Namah Shivaya" at the top of my lungs.

And slowly but surely, I am starting to make my way across the pool towards Him.

I am feeling drawn to Beloved Adi Da. And I am also feeling a tremendous release, physically and emotionally, of everything that I had ever said to my father. I felt the release of forty years of memories, good and bad, all those little scenes we had together.

Finally I'm beside Adi Da. He puts His Arm around me, and I put my arm around Him, and we continue, with everybody chanting at the top of their lungs: "Om Namah Shivaya".

By the end of the chant, all my reactivity was gone from my body. Then we just had a great time, joking around, swimming.

That is what truly understanding one's oedipal patterning can accomplish, when it is being done properly — illustrated in this case by Beloved Adi Da leading it. It is not just a verbal rehash of past memories. . . He provoked me into dramatizing my oedipal pattern with my father — with Him. And then He set me free of that pattern, released in present time! And that is why Adi Da has written about oedipal considerations and how important they are.

* * *

I do believe devotees need to go through an Oedipal consideration because that self-understanding is necessary to fully practice the Way of Adidam. I was fortunate to have Adi Da Himself serve me very directly in this manner twice. I have led similar "Oedipal groups" — groups where a particular person's oedipal patterning is considered by a group of devotees (usually friends who know that person well). Sometimes these groups are very routine. But sometimes certain individuals tell harrowing tales of their childhood. You have to get an understanding of what patterns — physical, emotional, and ultimately spiritual — were set in motion by your reaction to your early-life experience. And, in the Way of Adidam, at the same time as the oedipal consideration is taking place, Adi Da enters the room (through devotees' invocation of Him and through the Spiritual Transmission from reading His Teaching Word), and serves the process of self-understanding and present-time release from the patterning.