"Be
Fearless!": Part 3
John Bent
We
received Adi Da's communication with tremendous gratitude for His Guidance and
Help. And we both studied it with great seriousness, as did all of Avatar Adi
Da's devotees.
From that moment on, we were relieved of much of the emotional
turmoil that had possessed each of us. The process was still difficult, of course.
But, fundamentally, Tammy and I had made our peace with death, and that was a
great relief.
Soon after receiving His Communication, Tammy wrote this
letter to Adi Da Samraj:
Dearest
Beloved Adi Da Samraj, I bow at Your Feet in gratitude for
all Your Blessings in my life. I am going through an ever-deepening
and ever-purifying process in relationship to You. A few nights ago as I lay in
bed, meditating and drifting, I believe I experienced Your Gift of the Samadhi
of the
"Thumbs". The feeling was so extremely blissful and
lasted for a long time. The next day I was very open and vulnerable. Recently,
when I was talking to another devotee woman, I felt a big chunk of my relationship
with my mother being purified. And when I had a seizure in the middle of the night,
it actually felt like a positive experience because it seemed to be purifying
something about my emotional-sexual character, as if a blockage had been removed
from my brain. I have been dreaming often that I have died
and am surprised to wake up and still be alive in the body. There is not much
content to the dreams. I just wake up from them and am surprised to be back in
the gross physical plane. I am feeling progressively weaker
and am having increasing difficulty with my speech, but I am not physically uncomfortable
or concerned. Throughout the day, I often listen to recitations
from your Wisdom-Teaching and I practice surrendering to You. I also often listen
to the CD of What, Where, When, How, Why,
and Who To Remember To Be Happy and find it draws me into the feeling of the
Mystery. I find that any hour of straying from You, Beloved,
I suffer acutely. I feel it has taken me a long time to fully receive and process
Your last Communications to me, but I think I am making right use of them now.
I understand Your Comment about John and me riding the same wave. Thank
You, Most Beloved, for the Profound Help and Love and Support You are Giving me.
I love You. Tamara |
At
this time, Adi Da Samraj left the area, so we did not see Him for a number of
months. Our days were filled with meditation, study, chanting, and the simple
pleasures of life as a devotee, and Tamara even went on retreat for a couple of
weeks at the Mountain Of Attention.
Adi Da Samraj returned
to the Mountain Of Attention in February of 2002, and we were told that He wanted
to see Tamara as soon as possible. This is the letter I wrote to friends immediately
after we saw Him:
Devotion
to our Blessed Guru has nothing to do with any effort whatsoever. He Gives it
Completely and without reservation — and only He can Give it. Today
my Beloved Guru and Master asked that Tamara and I be available for His Darshan
as He walked to Land Bridge Pavilion [a building near Avatar Adi Da's residence
at the Mountain Of Attention]. We both were yearning to see His Beautiful human
Form again after such a long time away. We waited on the porch
of Darshan Adytum [a building between Avatar Adi Da's residence and Land Bridge
Pavilion], facing Letting Go Mountain, with the frogs going crazy in the pond.
Then the call came that Beloved Adi Da was on His way and we moved Tammy down
the few steps so that she was right by His path. This is the moment every devotee
waits for. Beloved Adi Da suddenly came around the corner
and looked at us both before going directly to Tamara. Our Beloved Master took
Tamara's head in His loving hands and Caressed her with the most Tender Care I
have ever felt or seen. Tammy was looking at Him and weeping. Adi
Da Samraj was whispering to her most intimately, and then He Said, with Great
Power and Sweet Love, "Be Fearless!" His Voice will always
be with me now. His face completely riveted my attention — so tender and so vulnerably
in love, yet absolutely serious in His Intention to Liberate Tammy and all beings.
Then our Beloved Guru gave even more Instruction. He said
to Tammy — as he touched a spot between and directly above her eyes with His thumb,
and motioned His hand upwards — "Attend to Me here!" What
a Blessing! What a Master! I was completely amazed and weeping
ecstatically as Tamara gazed at her Beloved Master. Just to see the Guru and His
Mastered devotee completely in Love is a sight that completely broke my heart.
Tammy understood and absorbed all that Adi Da Samraj said,
as He held Her there for such a long time before finally letting go. But that
was not the end of this Blessing occasion. Before I knew it,
my Beloved Guru had extended His Beautiful Hand to me. I instantly held it and
wept for joy. His Hand was so soft and gentle. I kissed it and the tears ran all
over His Hand before I let Him go. I did not want to let Him go and I never will.
Then He caressed my head and Blessed me beyond all separation with a Love that
will never end. I love My Master and thank Him from the bottom
of my heart for all His Blessing Regard and for this great opportunity to serve
His devotee, Tamara, as she deals most directly with death. Fear of death is leaving
me, and He is doing it for both of us. This is His Great Message: "Be Fearless!"
|
We saw Beloved Adi Da a number of times
after that, and He Graciously instructed a devotee in daily service to Him to
help care for Tammy. In fact, from that moment on, it was our great good fortune
to have many devotees helping with her care.
We needed it,
because Tamara's physical condition was slowly deteriorating. The headaches were
more numerous and getting worse. Her speech had almost disappeared, and she was
hardly able to walk.
We both knew there was not much time
left, and wept together at the inevitable sorrow of this. Our love had grown so,
so much, and our love for our Divine Guru knew no bounds.
*
* *
One day, in the middle of May, Tamara turned to me, with
her usual smile that always melted my heart, and said, "I have finished everything.
There is nothing left to do. Is it okay if I go now?"
Of course
we cried, but we knew it was close to the time and I knew I would need to let
her go. It was so hard, but I could see how happy she was and that was all I really
cared about. The fear was completely gone.
Adi Da Samraj was
not residing at the Mountain Of Attention at this time — although He was constantly
informed of Tamara's condition — and Tamara wrote Him the following letter:
Beloved
Lord Adi Da, I thank You so much for all Your Blessings throughout
this process of letting the body go. I am more and more able to accept my death
and am, in fact, feeling quite liberated from the stupidity of the body-mind.
I constantly remember Your Instruction to be fearless, and I have no doubt of
Your Love, which is what truly moves me beyond all fear. Also
Beloved, You often move me beyond the body-mind to a place of Bliss and Joyful
Happiness. In that place also, the heart aches with a longing that never really
ends. Thank You for all Your Gifts. I love You!
Tamara
|
At about 2:00 AM on Thursday, May 30, Tammy was again
very ill. Her headache was extremely painful and she could not hold anything down.
I rushed her to the hospital, where they used every means possible to get the
pain and nausea under control.
But when they did, Tammy had slipped into
a coma. She gave me a weak smile, squeezed my hand and closed her eyes. The doctor
expected her to come out of the coma but she never did. The doctor compassionately
told me I could take her home as soon as possible, to die there among her friends.
I took her home on Friday afternoon. But before my departure from the hospital
with Tammy, I had a remarkable vision — she appeared to me as a sphere of bright
light, above the head of her physical body. She was laughing hilariously at my
concern and telling me to lighten up.
She was fine, she said, and I should
not be concerned with a body that was definitely on its way out. This made the
trip home very easy and full of humor, but I was exhausted and very happy to let
the women and medical professionals of our community take over her care from that
point on.
Our apartment had now become a very potent place of Blessing
and Peace. On Tuesday, June 4, I was awakened in my room to hear that Tammy had
passed away and I instantly went to her side to recite Beloved Adi Da's words
of Instruction about what to do during the death transition.
In our community,
we perform a three-day vigil around the body of a deceased person, reading to
the individual from Adi Da's Instructions about participating in and completing
the transition beyond this life.
As this process took place, Tammy looked
more and more beautiful and at peace, and I was constantly struck by the radiance
of her being. Everyone who was there can attest to the Blessed Peace in which
she had come to rest.
I thank my Divine Guru, Adi Da Samraj, for His Profound
Blessing Regard and Great Help. May all beings be so Blessed.
Return
to Easy Death
