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Beyond the Illusion: A Spiritual Autobiography
By Antonia Vidor
paperback: February, 2012
order
here
eBook (Kindle): August, 2011
order
here
Read some excerpts:
To read more book excerpts, click
here.
For more about this book, visit Toni's
website.
 As
the eldest child of film director King Vidor and actress
Eleanor Boardman, Toni Vidor grew up amidst the glamour
of Hollywood’s Golden Era. After college, she rejected the
life offered by her parents’ wealth and fame. From the late
1940's to the early seventies, she was an equestrian, healer,
as well as a pioneer of alternative living. During this
time, a process awakened in her that triggered a steady
stream of psychic phenomena, some ecstatic, others terrifying.
She became a spiritual seeker and met a dazzling array of
teachers, none of whom satisfied her thirst for spiritual
truth.
By 1974, her children were grown and her tumultuous search
had exhausted itself. Just as her inner crisis peaked, Toni
met the American-born spiritual master, Adi Da Samraj. She
spent the next thirty-five years as his devotee, on the
wild ride of his dramatic, revelatory teaching work until
his passing in 2008.
With remarkable honesty and insight, Toni tells of her
life as the devotee of an indescribably potent spiritual
master. She recounts in vivid terms the miraculous phenomena
in Adi Da’s company, as well the ordeals of the beginning
spiritual practitioner. Versed in the traditions of esotericism,
she describes the inner workings of the relationship between
the disciple and a true adept-realizer — the hard realities
and personal trials as well as the ecstasies and profound
revelations that come with a life dedicated to the genuine
spiritual process.
TONI: "Although I may never in this lifetime as Antonia
Vidor surrender the ego to the point of permanent enlightenment,
the realities of old age and the prospect of death have
lost their sting for me. I accept my inevitable death with
contentment. How great is the threat of losing the life,
losing the mind, losing all relations, when one has a daily
practice of drowning in the mindless ecstasy of Divine Love
and knowing its eternal presence? . . . I know for certain
that the long dream of my life has mysteriously moved me
through a thirty-five-year love affair with Bhagavan Adi
Da so that I might learn the ecstasy of surrender to a Divine
Being, the One beyond birth and death. Prior to meeting
Bhagavan, I had no possibility of attaining such real happiness,
which sometimes causes me to break out in dance with abandon
and joy — at the age of 82."
I
highly recommend it. The title is perfect. Toni was born
into fame and riches but felt the need to go beyond the
illusion of that life to find real and lasting happiness
and fulfillment. She became a serious spiritual practitioner
under the guidance and blessing of her guru and is very
honest about the struggles with her egoic tendencies. Her
transformation over time is very impressive. Her life is
a fascinating story as well as very inspiring.
Judy Wendling
This
book could have been solely about the glitz and glamour
of life as a child of two powerful pioneers of Hollywood,
but instead (thankfully), most of the book is about Antonia's
spiritual journey with her spiritual master. When I first
started reading, I was thinking, "what relevance is
this old biddy going to have with my life?" — but that
is one of the charms of the book. Even though many of the
ordeals that the author goes through are personal, they
are also universal, part of the human condition. No magic
tricks are offered, no secret formulas, no ancient prayers
to help through life's ordeals except for one: resort the
the spiritual master, give everything to him. Antonia is
an amazing person with more energy in her 70's than I have
in my 40's. Any serious spiritual seeker, anyone on their
own spiritual journey, must read this book at least once.
A.B.
Why
does any Westerner look for a Guru and stay with Him for
35 years when she has had just about anything one could
imagine in the way of glamour, riches, adventure and different
lifestyles? What could have been lacking? That is the question
Toni Vidor asked herself. Her father was a director, King
Vidor, her mother a silent film star. Although she seemed
never to lack for anything, deep inside she knew something
was missing. Like many of us, she searched here and there,
trying different Teachers, different Teachings, but they
all ended at some point. She was still alone. And then she
found Adi Da Samraj, an American-born God Realized Teacher.
She had prepared for this meeting, longed for it, and after
she discovered His Teaching, she struck the match and was
with Him to the end of His life on earth.
You have to be "there" to understand, and
Toni has given us a complete picture of her ordeal and difficulties
and her utter happiness and wonder and joy, and the acceptance
that this was where she belonged. The only place she belonged.
I think we want our spiritual teacher to be
"beautiful" and "benign", only bestowing
"love" as we imagine it should be. In truth, growth
in our life is about getting rid of the barriers we have
built to protect ourselves. Toni's journey so honestly teaches
us that the journey is anything but easy or even always
happy. She went through many challenges and difficulties
that tore down her barriers to happiness. We spend our lives
distracting ourselves from our pain. Without a Teacher like
Adi Da Samraj, we continue to suffer in ignorance. Two of
the important things she learned were that we become what
we meditate upon; and we are already happy. This sounds
so simple but it is not.
She meditated upon her Teacher, did service
of so many kinds, including travel to India, to London.
At the end of her life, she finally surrendered to the Gift
Adi Da offered her in every moment. I recommend this book
to anyone, who finds that "something" is missing in their
lives, even though they have "everything" — read this
book and understand what is actually missing, and how to
uncover it though the Teachings of Adi Da Samraj. Toni's
book leads the way. Her truth and the generous sharing of
it is a true gift to us. And even if you are not looking
for spiritual guidance, it is great reading!
Ginger Blymyer
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