I went to India in 1984 seeking my Spiritual Master,
though I didn't know who he was. I had a strong intuition
and feeling that I did have a Master and that he would
reveal himself to me there.
In the middle of May, I went on a one-week, self-directed meditation retreat at the center of a Tibetan
Buddhist refugee community in India. The retreat had
perfect conditions for meditation: a peaceful and beautiful
Himalayan hill. Yet even though the conditions for
meditation seemed ideal, I couldn't find peace. My mind
was totally distracted and disturbed and I couldn't sit for
any length of time — something that for many years had
been an easy daily practice. As the retreat progressed, I
became totally frustrated, because I realized that all the
efforts of years of meditation had not changed me in my
fundamental being. I realized the fruitlessness of self-effort
and became sensitive to the necessity of Grace to mature in
my Spiritual life.
After the retreat, I realized that I was constantly
seeking Enlightenment, realization, happiness, and so on,
but that the process of seeking itself was what I was bound
by. I had already been involved in the Spiritual search for
more than ten years. But still something deep in my heart
was missing. I felt this longing for Love in my heart that
none of this Spiritual life could satisfy. I realized that I
couldn't do it, I couldn't attain Happiness through my
efforts. I realized I had nowhere to turn, and I began to
simply pray for help, for my Master to reveal himself to
me.
A few days later, I received a book by Avatar Adi
Da. It was sent to me by a friend from London. At this
point, having no direction whatsoever in my Spiritual
practice, I was willing to read something that I wouldn't
have been open to before. And since it was a gift from a
friend, I felt that I should receive it and read it.
I knew very little about Avatar Adi Da. I had a good
feeling and intuition about Him, but He was an American,
so I did not give Him much attention, for it seemed obvious
to me that America could not produce One of Great
Realization.
So I took the new book and went out to the top of
the hill, which had been my favorite place of meditation
and a place used by the Tibetans for worship. I sat down on
the ground and started reading. Soon I was awestruck by
what Adi Da was revealing to me. Until that moment, I
never believed that anyone could write that way. He was
communicating the intuition of absolute Truth in words. I
had felt that only God could do that, and yet here I was
reading that in a book. Energy started to rush through my
body, and tears of joy ran down my face.
Suddenly, there was no limitation, no self-contraction — only Divine Freedom. And this was the most
simple and obvious thing in the world. At the same
moment, I could see the whole of my ordinary life as the
result and effort of my own separative activity.
My heart was broken by the unbelievable Love of
Avatar Adi Da. It was the first time in my life that I truly
felt loved without any limitation whatsoever, loved to and
from infinity.
I felt like God in Person was loving me. I
tacitly knew that Avatar Adi Da was my Master and had
been my Master before all time. His Presence was so
familiar and so personal that there was no way I could deny
it.
I felt liberated from the seeking and dilemma of my life
and reunited with my Beloved. And I knew that this
moment was the true beginning of my Spiritual life. I was
so grateful that my Master had revealed Himself and drawn
me to Him. There was nothing else I could ask for.
* * *
I am a servant and devotee of the Great One, Who
has Revealed the Truth and the Secret of Life to me. I bow
down at the Feet of Avatar Adi Da Samraj.
This
story appears in the sections
Finding Adi Da and
Spiritual Recognition of Adi Da