His Answer To My Question

D. G.


DG has been Adi Da's devotee since the 1970's.

I arrived on Naitauba on December 1, the day after Bhagavan Adi Da's interment. With great gratitude, I spent as much time as I could at His Mahasamadhi Temple, The "Brightness", during my first two weeks there. We were allowed to be there quite a bit initially. I was so grateful for this, due to my intense grief over Bhagavan's Passing.

Since Bhagavan Adi Da's Divine Mahasamadhi, I had felt an urgency to know why and what happened. And so I participated in discussions as well as many private conversations conjecturing about all of this. There were many things said, many realities put forth, many stories told, and many coincidences noted.

Over time I realized that I was more and more disturbed about all of this. My dearest Heart-Master was gone, and I felt that I truly needed to know why and what had really happened. I felt with my whole being that I needed to know this from Him, and not from anyone else. I had heard too much from others, and I needed to hear the truth of it from Him. I was deeply, deeply sad that He was no longer present in a way where I could hear His Voice, or have Him break the impasse of our ignorance with the Imposition of His Notes or Essays. I realized how intensely I would miss His Criticism, and felt how much we could all go astray without His Divine Interference.

Later that same day, I went up to The "Brightness" for the 5:05pm Arati, and stayed for several hours afterwards, as I usually did. On this day though, I prostrated in front of Bhagavan's Murti and wept and wept asking Him to tell me please, and from Him alone, exactly what happened, and why He had left His Bodily Human Form at this time. I was absolutely desperate to hear from Him about this matter. I wept and wept and begged Him for the truth. I truly and honestly felt that I needed to know this in order to go on with life, and I have never begged Him for His Gift of Help with such intention and need. I felt broken and at my wit's end. I asked Him to be able to contact Him directly and for real, because I knew that I wouldn't be able to tolerate anything that seemed to be self-created or other created, and that I must hear from Bhagavan Truly and Only.

After a time of weeping and begging, I noticed that suddenly I had been moved into the tacit Witness Position of Consciousness Itself…for real — at least it was His Gift for that moment. It was completely surprising in a way, and also completely natural. I was shown the Truth, and it is not a "knowable object!" This Divine Gift was His Answer to me, directly and for real. I had begged Him for the truth (small "t" ), but was Given the Truth (capital "T)! This was quite stunning and ecstatic. I tacitly knew and felt that the Truth is not anything that can or does reside in mind or speech — and, that Consciousness alone is the Truth, and that the Truth is not an answer to a question! This completely quieted my mind — in fact, cancelled it. My question was answered, and not at all with the "information" that I thought I needed. There was no more question, no more agonized begging, only the Truth of Bhagavan Adi Da, as He Is. I bow down to Him in deepest gratitude and love for this profound Gift and Reality.

This gift is continuous with exactly how I "knew" Bhagavan in His Bodily Human Form. He has always been and will always be the Master and Revealer to me. Whenever I have come to Him with a question, even the ones that I never uttered to Him, He has always "answered" those so-called questions with the gift of His Transcendental and Divine Presence. I know it is His Gift of this exact Interruption and Interference that is needed now and forever in my heart and body-mind.

 

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